Happy Friday. It's Murph at the Movies!
Today's feature presentation: "Fast & Furious 6."
As always, these are just some spoiler-free observations I made while watching. Take 'em or leave 'em.
-- Before we get to the movie, here's 5 cents of free advice: If you know you're going to a movie by yourself, go directly after you go to the gym. This showing was packed, but yours truly had one of the 4 or 5 empty seats next to him just because he smelled like a gym bag. Say good-bye to Old Spice and hello to an extra armrest. Besides, if you work out beforehand you won't feel like such a slob when you consume an entire jumbo popcorn all by yourself.
-- Sticking with the snacks: Maya Cinemas Soda Machine 2, Murph 0. Last time I couldn't figure out the futuristic machine. This time? Same deal. I thought I was grabbing fruit punch, ended up with orange soda. Not necessarily a bad thing, orange soda kind of owns.
-- Quick review of all the previews: Up first "R.I.P.D," a Ryan Reynolds/Jeff Bridges Buddy Cop, "Men In Black" knockoff (pass), then "Riddick," because, "Hey, if you're seeing 'Fast 6' you obviously like Vin Diese,l" (pass). The last one was "2 Guns," the new Denzel/Wahlberg flick where they start as bank robbers, end as partners in crime. I'm in on anything with Denzel. I'm also in on anything with Wahlberg. I'll be seeing that ASAP.
-- Was trying to think of a cool way to work "six" into the title of this movie the same way they did "2 Fast 2 Furious." The best I could come up with was "Fast & The Furious: Six-y Time" in Borat's voice. So, yeah, the producers were smart keeping it simple.
-- Opening credits come on and, wait, who's voice is that. It can't be. It is! The Hairweave Killer himself: 2CHAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZ. The more 2 Chainz you have, the better your product. I cannot stress this enough. I am officially all in on "Fast 6" and it hasn't even started yet.
-- Of the five male lead actors in this movie, one started as a singer (Tyrese), one started as a rapper (Luda!), one started as a wrestler (The Rock) and the other two had more traditional starts as, you know, actors (Vinny Deeze and Paulie Walkz). So, how does it work out that the two actors are actually the worst actors of the bunch? It doesn't make any sense, but it somehow works.
-- This movie further solidifies The Rock as the next big action star of America. The guy is just awesome. Where'd he go to school? He must've had a great college education. (Editor's note: Both The Rock and Tom Murphy went to the University of Miami)
-- Have they made a "Fast & The Furious" video game yet? And if not what are they waiting for? Just copy Mario Kart 64. Paul Walker and Vin Diesel drive the standard cars like Mario and Luigi. The Rock rocks one of the big diesel engine models like Bowser or Wario. Then the girls and Luda drive the smaller, sleeker, quicker cars like Peach, Toad and Yoshi.
-- Tyrese wins this movie. Everything he says got huge laughs from the crowd. Sometimes it wasn't even funny, but I felt like the only person not laughing, and therefore laughed out of peer pressure. At one point he gets thrown through a glass window. It's not funny, but since everything else he'd done to that point had been funny, everyone laughed assuming there was a punch line on the way. There wasn't. He actually did just get thrown through a glass window.
-- Three other under-the-radar funny moments in a movie that had a bunch of them (intentional or not): Ludacris referring to The Rock in his phone as "Samoan Thor"; Vin Diesel looking Paul Walker in the eye saying, "Ride or Die," followed by Paul Walker looking back and responding with "Ride or Die," (my brain is still processing such complex dialogue); the main villain telling Vin Diesel his brother once told him, "Everyman must have a code," which led to me wondering out loud if his brother was Omar Little or Bunk from "The Wire."
-- At one point I heard some little kids laughing and wondered, "Why would their parents take them to this movie?" But, this is the best kind of family movie: a movie that preaches the importance of family. Amidst all the chases and bad acting, these movies have heart that resonates. It's one of the reasons we've made it through six installments, and on to the seventh one.
-- There aren't enough exclamation points in the world to properly punctuate the way your brain reacts to the final scene. It sets up "Fast 7." They reveal the villain for the next installment with a cameo from the actor. He is a huge action star. Try guessing who you think it is. That scene was the first time I'd heard 300 people's jaws drop at the same time. It's the best part of a pretty awesome movie. It will get you all kinds of hot and bothered.
-- The most exciting part of a "Fast & Furious" flick? Getting into your car afterwards. Suddenly you feel like Dom Torretto. You rev your engine, you switch lanes, you even race a bit (even if there's no NOS and your mph is much closer to the speed limit). Shout out to the orange Chevy that ate my dust between Chester and H Street last night.
-- As we hit the finish line, the bottom line is this: if you like one "Fast & Furious," you probably like them all. This doesn't disappoint.
Final Grade: A-
This movie review is only the opinion of one man, reporter Tom Murphy, and doesn't necessarily reflect the opinions or observations of KBAK/KBFX Eyewitness News.
Happy Friday. It's Murph at the Movies!